The Line Of Control

A friend recently updated an uplifting status on facebook and in response to that (among other responses) someone wrote a ridiculous comment on it that only left the friend outraged, asking herself why on earth this person was on her friend list.  

Obviously we meet an infinite number of people in our lives, and the most amazing fact is that we have all shared some sort of a vibe with them, and they have influenced us in some way or the other. These people, no matter how miniscule it might be, have shaped us and who we are, in a negative or positive way. We say, “this person has a negative vibe” or “this person’s aura is so positive!”.  When one of your friends enters the room, the whole room feels lit up! On the other end of the rainbow you fold your arms and put on a fake smile. That is the nature of everyday personal interactions.

Who are these people and how do they influence us?

A sure way to recognize a positive person in your life is that the very presence of that person will make you feel calm and you will put your guards down. You feel comfortable. You laugh at nonsensical stuff. Stupidity escalates to a new level of funny.

Most of the times you have a conversation with such a person you will feel light and happy. They are enthusiastic about everything they are doing in their life and they transmit the same vibe to you. It is almost the same feeling you get when you are feeling drained after a full day’s work and suddenly your best friend calls you to meet, and you forget you were ever tired, hit the local restaurant for tandoori chicken and a pint of beer (as is mostly in Delhi). Positive people inspire others to improve themselves, rather than focusing on other people’s faults. You very naturally want to be around them and for no reason just feel happy. They are confident of who they are and make you feel the same. They are secure enough to feel happiness in your happiness. They are encouraging and bring out the best in you and your goals. And most of all, they laugh wholeheartedly. They naturally have a tendency to make you feel alive!

How do you get surrounded by negative people or come in contact with them? Well, they are everywhere. They are your colleagues, your family, friends of friends or even your friends who might enter your life with a certain agenda. The easiest way to recognize "negative" people is that sooner or later their complexes and insecurities will start trickling in correspondence to yours or someone else's positive growth. Now, you need a certain degree of alertness and a sharp sense to catch it. Negative people will always be heavily burdened by their insecurities. Unfortunately they are so burdened by their insecurities for whatever reasons and experiences they have had or the choices they have made in the past, that they are never able move forward from that to come to a point where they can be happy with their life, or who they are. It is hard for them to appreciate another person’s achievements and successes. Propelled by jealousy, they put other people down or mock them, which is usually a projection of their own incapability.

 I am no sage from ancient times that I will always go by the books and do the right thing; this is 2014 and I am being cold about it, but such people are best avoided, because they will only drain you of your positivity, engulf you in their insecurities and suppressed unhappiness. They usually criticize or go into a mode of comparison, instead of really contributing something worthwhile to their own lives or your own. They offload their negativity everywhere, they hate everything around them, they can’t enjoy the small things in life, which results in you feeling mentally edgy and irritable all the time. This kind of negative influence just deviates us from our goals and our paths, making us feel miserable too. 

Alright, to be fair, if you do want to help a person who you are concerned about, you have to make them realize that they have be the agent of change if they want change. The best way to deal with negative people is to remind them of areas where they need improvement, not to hit back on them. Encourage them to re-direct their energies to do something more constructive. Step out of their way after that and re-direct your energies too.

I have become very conscious of who I want to be surrounded with. This has left me with very few friends, but the ones who remain are positive people. I’d rather have fewer friends, than have many who are pretentious and don’t feel genuine happiness in my happiness, and that is my choice.